Whom Shall I Fear

The God of angel armies is always by my side.

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We may not think our fears and doubts are a big deal. However, when we allow them to permeate into everything we think, we have a problem. This weekend I went to an IF Local Gathering, which is a women's conference that is streamed to local churches so that women can experience the event and the truth God has for them without having to leave the local community. One of the speakers explained a spiritual attack that she experienced. She said she would wake up in the middle of the night to thoughts of doubt and questions if God was even who He said He is. This lasted for 18 months before she spoke up and told someone about what was going on. 18 months of struggling alone. 18 months of allowing fear, doubt, and darkness to enter in. 18 months. I can't imagine going through something like that, but I have. I hope that by writing this blog post I can help keep it from happening again.

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I know it's been a while since I last posted, but it really hasn't felt like anything has been happening in my life that is worth writing. If only that was true. This semester has been rough. I am still healing from the trauma of my family moving, but now I have to balance school, two jobs, a relationship, and friendships. Never have I felt more overwhelmed by everything in my life. My downtime is full of NCIS and planning out what I'm going to do in the upcoming weeks. I rarely get an actual moment of rest. This past weekend was the first weekend I actually had nothing to do, nor could I really get ahead in my homework. It was also the first weekend that I had a panic attack since my last post.

Weird right, almost 5 months without an incident, but last night that changed. I saw a spider or scorpion on my wall but I was in the middle of getting ready after my shower so I left it for a bit. All of a sudden I saw it fall and I freaked out. Whatever it was had fallen behind the backboard of my bed, oh so close to where I would be sleeping that night. I panicked. I was in hysterics, just crying and anxious. It made no sense. Even my boyfriend thought it was a little crazy. I wish I could pinpoint why I had such an extreme reaction, but all I can think is that my anxiety is still present. I just don't have the energy to be anxious, until this weekend. Even walking home today from my friend's house I felt on edge. Even getting out of the shower, something didn't feel right. My solution? I prayed.

I prayed in a way that didn't seem from me. It seemed as if the Holy Spirit knew what He was doing, which duh, He does. I prayed for fear, anxiety, darkness, evil to leave. Bold right. How can I say something like that? I don't have that power. Not true.

I have the power of Jesus Christ living inside of me. I have the Holy Spirit flowing through me. Of course, I have the power to pray that. I do not have that power on my own, but through God I do. God wants us to pray the bold prayers, He wants us to do the bold things. In Matthew 26:16-20, Jesus instructs us to do bold things:

18 And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been

given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a]

the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to

observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the

end of the age."

Jesus gives us these instructions but reminds us first that we can only do this through his authority. He concludes by reminding us that he is with us always. If Jesus tells us we can do bold things in his name, we need to do bold things in his name. What is the bold thing that Jesus is calling you to?

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If you have any prayer requests, please let me know! I would love to pray for you and even help you with whatever it is that you have going on. Click on the Contact link at the top of the page to submit a prayer request or message me.

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